Hello!

When I was a young boy, my mother once told me that I was too shy, and that if I didn't change my ways I would eventually become a hermit. From my shadowy vantage point in the air conditioning duct above her I laughed deeply at this preposterous notion, then recoiled at my sudden outburst and scuttled further into the darkness. I had laughed at my mother's comment, but perhaps she had a point. While other children my age were playing NES games with each other, I was burying R.O.B. the Robot by the moonlight in my backyard because I could no longer brave his cold robotic eyes and their constant attempt to undress me. Some kids got their exercise by playing pickup games of kickball in the neighborhood, but I chose to run into my closet wall as many times as I could before passing out. My skin was so white that if I stood in front of a white wall you'd still be able to see me, but I'd be pretty white.

Upon reflection I realized that I truly was different from everyone else, and that something had to be done before I became a complete freak. That night I plotted my path to normalcy. The popular kids at school were typically assholes, so I decided to be more social and adopt "fuck you, grandma!" as my stock response to everything. Not only would this impress everyone and rocket me into the highest social circles, but it would finally give me an incredibly witty retort to use when my grandmother invariably made fun of and isulted me during her weekly visits.

Obviously my plan was ill-fated. After my numerous wounds healed and the swelling went down from running into my wall, I fell back into my safe and comfortable way of life. Through the following years I was able to open up somewhat, but to this day I remain very withdrawn. I'm still incredibly quiet, work from home and don't leave unless there's a catastrophe or I walk through the wrong door, and I only have two or three close friends (one of which I suspect might be imaginary). At parties and my friend's band's shows I feel completely out of place, and in lieu of actually speaking to other people I tend to inspect the floor for hours at a time, often laying on my stomach to get a better look. (This hobby leading to the revelating discoveries of the occasional chewing gum and dust particles- maybe they can talk?) Maybe I don't live in a cave and have an unkempt kellie-riffic beard, but I do live a very secluded life that most people would have a hard time understanding.

What is it that makes people like me averse to the idea of venturing out into the world? It's funny that I should pretend you asked me that! I happen to have a list of the things that keep me holed up in my house playing The Sims and building a robot to deal with the guy who delivers my groceries with the really moist hands so I don't have to.

Lol, like my story? I made it up because I was really, really bored. I think you might have surmised that from the story, eh? ;-)

Also, I made a new Kellie animation and I have found something to hold against you. I can always bring corey the fairy to school with me on a floppy disk. :) Haha. Beat that KLEPTO/FRAMO. Hey, look at the very top of the page. :) Lol

-Alyssa-